The title of the blog may lead one to think of rolled ankles, shin splints and for girls, sexual predators. The fear I discuss here does involve a predator, but not the human kind. The recent change in the weather has prompted me to start jogging again, since I can go outside without fear of hypothermia or slipping on ice. I went for the first time last Saturday with a member of my ward (thanks Mike) so what I noticed today as I went jogging was irrelevant then because I was distracted talking and felt secure with a jogging buddy.
The only picture I could find of a frightened runner
Today I was by myself and running around a reservoir near my house. It was about 11 am and I would meet fellow jogger every now and then, but I don't know if even they could save me from the potential threat I will identify. You may be asking yourself what terrible thing happened to me on my jog? Nothing terrible but something terrible could have happened, and it would have been due to squirrels. Squirrels are always around but at this time of year they are very visible and hungry looking. There are no leaves on the trees so there is nothing to hide these little guys and they are everywhere. Plus, they all have this winter-induced-emaciated look in their beady little eyes.
I think the squirrel I saw may have been brandishing a light-saber.
As I was jogging I felt myself being watch and happened to look over my right shoulder, and right above my head on the branch of a tree was a squirrel staring down at me mouthing the words "I will eat you." So maybe he/she wasn't mouthing anything but he looked hungry and I probably looked like a juicy morsel to him/her. You may be saying to yourself, "But Jessica, squirrels are small. You could easily overpower it." I agree, but what I fear is the combined power of squirrels. If there was ever any sort of squirrel community organizing going on I am sure a small group of these hunger-crazed rodents could easily overpower me. I didn't want to find out so I ran faster. I guess I will just refrain from jogging solo until there are actual plants growing for squirrels to eat. Although it may never be safe to run solo again as I hear the squirrel economy is not doing much better than the US economy since the squirrel housing bubble burst.
10 comments:
The squirrel housing bubble...that's hilarious.
But really, I can totally relate to your squirrel fear. Those things are not kidding around - they're scary! Yesterday, one was yelling at me in it's squirrel language. It even followed me to yell at me as I was walking. Today, another one was yelling at me from a tree above my head. One of these days, one of them is going to attack me. They're small, yes. But they're also fast and hungry. If you see me with a bandage on my ankle, you'll know why.
If you'd like to feel safer, I'm pretty sure Jin could take on any squirrels while you're out for a run. At least, he seems to think so. You're welcome to borrow him. But while you may then be protected from squirrels, you will not be protected from holding onto one end of the leash of a very strong dog when he bolts after the squirrels.
I think the squirrel's in DC might start an uprising too. Today a squirrel was standing on my neighbor's fence as a I left and a few weeks ago, I was chased by a hungry squirrel at the Jefferson Memorial (he may have wanted some of my Luna Bar).
I love the picture, it illustrates your point nicely.
Speaking of Mike, was this post ghostwritten by him? It has his flavor to it, especially the pictures and captions.
P.S. - I love squirrels. They are one of the advantages that Michigan has over Utah.
It's all fun and games until a squirrel jumps on your head or runs up your leg. Those are without a doubt my worst fears.
Oh Jessica....how I miss you
And now you see why I never go running alone. It's not because I completely lack any motivation and don't have the will power to make myself do it. It's for fear of the squirrels.
I am packing Chester in a box and mailing him to you tomorrow. Please pass the packing tape...
You always were the "meatier" one in the family. If nothing else, they did make you run faster.
I really love that picture of the squirrels! It captures their violent nature, they've already learned to cross streets in ann arbor - who knows what they'll learn next!
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